Family

Our moments ♡♡♡

My favorite moments with you are our night time feedings. With just the glow of the tap light and you snuggled on my chest. All I hear is your little breathing. I love the way your legs bunch up and how you hold tight to my finger and your sweet little smiles. I smell your sweet newborn hair and kiss those soft cheeks. Just you and I awake. I tell you how much I love you and you stare into my eyes. I love those moments. During the day it is so hard to have a moment with you because your cute big sister is always right there wanting to help or needing help with something. Her loud, busy little self keeps me busy and preoccupied. It is so different from when she was a newborn. I would lay in bed all day with her, starring, talking, loving on her. You and I just get these quiet moments at night together and I cherish every one of them. I will be sad when you start to sleep through the night. The weeks are passing us by and I know it won't be long. I love you Gracie Mae and I can't imagine life without. ♡

Gracie Maes Birth Story 11•02•15

October came so quickly I was in no rush for my due date to be here. I was kept pretty busy the whole month. We had the hospital tour, which was great. I had my mom visit for the day and we went shopping and did hair. My dad came to visit the next week for a few days. He went to my doctors appointment with me, went shopping, and had a great visit. Ben and I took Aubree to Vertucio Farms one night with his family. We picked out some pumpkins and carved them. I also had Ben paint my belly like a pumpkin. Aubree thought that was pretty great. I also took her to another pumpkin patch during the day. We went to the State fair to watch Sheryl Crow and walk around. Keeping busy helped me not feel anxious for baby girls arrival. We still hadn't decided on a name and kind of kept putting it off. I was feeling pretty good physically. I started having some contractions the week of my due date. Mostly during the day, nothing consistent but enough to put everyone on edge thinking she was making her arrival at any moment. The 29th was my due date and when it came and I was only dilated to a 1-2 and 50% effaced. At that point I was ready for her to be here. I thought for sure she was going to be here before Halloween. She had different plans. Halloween came and we took Aubree trick or treating. She got a little flu bug and I was so nervous she was going to be sick when her sister was born but luckily it didn't last long. She had a blast trick or treating! She would say trick or treat and thank you. I loved watching her and seeing her face light up when she got a candy. The day after Halloween I started to feel discouraged and emotional. I really didn't want to be induced but scheduled it just in case on the day I turned 41 weeks. We stayed home from church and did a lot of walking and bouncing on the ball, we also tried out my new electric breast pump. It gave me two good contractions but then I turned it off because I got nervous. Around 3am I woke up with contractions and decided to count them since they were pretty uncomfortable. I timed them until around 7am and they were 3-5 mins apart and getting painful. Ben had gone to the gym around 5am and decided to come home after instead of going to work since I was pretty sure this was the real deal. I got up and got ready and got Aubree up and ready. Our bags were packed and we headed to the hospital. Once we got to triage I asked the nurse if she thought we were going to be sent home since I was still just a three and a half and 75% effaced. She said no since I was gbs positive. She got me into a room and started me on the first round on antibiotics and we waited. I was checked again and things hadn't changed much so they talked about sending me home. My nurse was so sweet.. She wanted me to stay and said she would do everything she could to help me stay and not get sent home. I was in so much pain and wanted to cry because I did not want to go home. I just wanted my baby in my arms. They decided to strip my membranes and send me walking around the hospital for two hours. I literally walked in a circle outside in the heat for two hours only stopping for contractions and to take a sip of water. I was bound and determined to not get sent home. My family arrived while I was walking. I probably looked like a crazy lady in a huge hospital gown walking in circles. When we went back in to get checked I had progressed to a 5 and was 100% effaced. They decided to let me stay and gave me a shot of something in my leg for the pain while I waited for the epidural. I rested and my dad got me chic fil a. The contractions were so painful. I finally got the epidural when I was at like a 7. It was only working on one half of my body but they were so good about fixing it. I had the shakes really bad this time which was different then when I had Aubree where I only got them after delivery. An hour later I felt the urge to push so I called for the nurse. Tiffany my midwife came in to check me and said she could see my babies head and hair. She asked if Ben wanted to catch her and he agreed. He put gloves on and I held my legs back. Three pushes later Ben caught the baby. She had pooped while inside of me so I guess when she came out Ben said it kind of smelt and the fluid from my bag of water came gushing out. You can see on his face in the pictures he was not expecting that. But I loved that he got to place her immediately on my chest and then also got to cut the cord. She weighed 8lbs 2oz and was 20 inches long born at 6:53pm. We decided to name her Gracie Mae Mulcock. She is absolutely perfect in everyway. My delivery went so perfect. It felt so good to push her out and made up for all those hard hours of contractions. She is an excellent at nursing and is adored by her big sister Aubree. We had Aubree come in the room and give her sister the little gift she picked out for her while we also gave Aubree a little gift. She loved it. She has been big on doctor stuff so we got her a doctor bag and she had a blast pretending to listen to the babies heartbeat and giving her a checkup. I think going to all of my doctor appointments really helped prepare her for her new role as a big sister. She loves Gracie's and asks every morning "Mom can I see my sister please?" She loves to help change her diaper, give her a bath, get her dressed, swaddle her, and we haven't let her feed her yet but I'm sure she will love when I do pump a bottle for her. It has me so happy to see them together and know that they are going to be best friends and grow up and play together. Gracie is such a happy baby and is a good sleeper. My recovery with Gracie has been 100 times easier then with Aubree. I had such a hard time after delivering Aubree, I think the combination of it being my first baby and getting stitches made it a lot harder. This time I was dressed and up and feeling great the day after delivery. Its been three weeks now and I literally don't feel like I had a baby. The bleeding is already almost gone and I feel amazing. I am so grateful to have such easy pregnancies, deliveries, and recovery. Life as a family of four has been so wonderful and I look forward to all the memories we will make together.

A letter to my Aubree Jane

My dearest daughter,
I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. You have taught me what unconditional love feels like. You are the one who burst my heart wide open. You changed my life forever. You made me a momma. Even though you won't be my only child, or even my only girl, you will always be my first. 💗

09•16•15

This pictures perfectly describes our day. Lots of giggles and loves. She had just finished telling me "best friends forever mama" when I told Ben to take a picture so I could remember this moment forever. For the last few nights I haven't been able to sleep because I keep thinking about how life will never be the same once we are a family of four. Aubree has been the center of our world for two and a half years. It has been my greatest joy watching her learn and grow. Part of me is sad it won't just be the three of us anymore but more of me is excited to add another sweetheart to our bunch.

Feelings

Feeling this overwhelming love for my little family of three tonight. Today Aubree and I spent all day in our jammies and had multiple cuddle sessions. She was so sweet and loving and helpful. No fits, no tantrums. She told me multiple times out of the blue, I love you momma. So basically my heart has been melting all day. Before Ben can come from work I got down an old bag in Aubrees room with little headbands and hats and diapers and white onesies from when she was a newborn. We sat on my bed and she put on the diaper and onesie and hat on her baby doll. I swaddled her and she held her and kept telling me out cute and little she was. Her movements while holding the baby doll were so sweet and slow and soft. I know she is going to be the best big sister ever. I can't wait to see her reaction to her new baby sister. I am so happy they will get to grow up together and be the best of friends. It scares me and makes me nervous to think we will be a family of four in a few short weeks but at the same time I have never felt more excited. The love I have for Ben and Aubree is beyond measure. I can't wait for that love to expand to include another little sweet girl. Ben is the best dad to Aubree and treats us both like princesses. I have no doubts her will adore our new little addition. I am so grateful he is my partner and we get to create this family together. He is everything to me and I feel so blessed to be able to stay home and watch our daughters grow and teach them and love them. Our life may not ever be perfect but it is beyond beautiful. ❤

It's the simple things.

Do you ever just have those moments where you wake up a little earlier then usual and the house is quiet and you think about how blessed you are. I woke up this morning thinking about last night. We went to Walmart to grab a few groceries and on the drive home Aubree was falling asleep in her car seat. She was trying so hard to keep her eyes open so I told her "it's okay honey you can close your eyes." She looked at me with the sweetest face and said "okay" and finally let them close peacefully. In that moment Ben and I just looked at each other and our hearts melted. We both told each other how much love we felt in that moment and it was so incredible. So this morning I was thinking about that moment and how much love I have for Ben and Aubree and how much they have changed my life. Then I started thinking about the sweet girl who has been kicking my belly all morning and how I can't wait to meet her and get to know her and add more love to this beautiful life I live everyday with these sweet special people. I never thought in a million years that I would be married to my best friend and have two beautiful daughters by the age of 22. But oh how I am so grateful heavenly father had a plan and knew exactly what I needed. I love these people more then I could have ever dreamed of. My heart feels like it could burst with all the love I feel. It's such an amazing thing. Loving your best friend and creating your our little family. I couldn't have picked a better partner to live this life and the next with. Ben knows me better then anyone and loves me through the best days and the worst. When he gets home from work life the days just get better. He is the best dad to our sweet girl and the best husband to me. He makes me want to be better, to show more love and appreciation. He told me last night, "I wish you could just jump into my chest and feel how much love I feel for you two girls."
I hear Aubree waking up so I have to stop. But I want to remember all of these thoughts and feelings. ❤

February 2015 - The month that changed everything.

February has by far been the most eventful month of this year so far. The morning of the 5th I got a phone call from my father in law Steve letting me know that Ben fell off of a roof. He was so calm as he told me to get myself ready and then head down to the hospital. Shortly after that phone call I got a call from my sister in law Sarah offering to come pick Aubree up so I could head to the hospital. I have no idea how I was so calm, I got Aubree dressed and ready and myself without any tears or freaking out. Sarah came to pick up Aubree and I headed to Chandler Regional Medical Center. The 40 minuet drive left me with a lot of time to think. I remember praying to my heavenly father to not take away the love of my life, that I couldn't live without him. At this point I had no idea what kind of injuries Ben suffered, all Steve told me he knew was that he defiantly had a broken leg. All I could think about was him having internal bleeding and leaving me here to raise Aubree alone. It was all hitting way too close to home, and giving me flashbacks to when Dylan died. When I arrived to the hospital Ben's parents were there and we weren't allowed back to see him yet. He was in the trauma area getting tests done and we weren't allowed to see him. Everyone was so calm, so that kept me calm. When I got to go back and see him, he was laying down and looked like he was in a lot of pain. I wanted to cry so bad, but I just couldn't. I couldn't talk or cry or anything, I just stood there holding his hand. I didn't want to leave his sight. I stayed with him up until he went into surgery that night around 6:30. My mom came down from Safford by then to take care of Aubree for me. I was so happy she was there. As we got into the elevator to leave I started to feel dizzy and light headed, I don't remember eating at all that day. It all went by so fast, I started to cry and the tears just didn't stop. I was so embarrassed crying in front of everyone. I had held it in for so long, it all just came bursting out. We left the hospital and picked up Aubree from Sarah's. I took my mom and Aubree to my house and got them settled and gathered some clothes for myself and then headed back to the hospital. Ben was still in surgery when I got back. He didn't get out until around 10pm. They did a radial head replacement in his elbow, and put two plates in his leg where he broke his tibia and fibula. He was very tired when he got out of surgery and we just went to bed. I woke up with him multiple times throughout the night to help him go to the bathroom. He was in the hospital for a week, and I stayed by his side until my mom had to go back to Safford. He was then transferred to a acute rehabilitation center for less then 24 hours before he came home. It was an adjustment having him home but he is now more independent. He got a knee scooter, and can shower himself. I love waking up next to him and bringing Aubree into our room when she wakes up to see her daddy. I feel so blessed to have him in my life. I know he could have died that day if it was his time, but he is still here with us and I thank my heavenly father daily for that. Aubree loves having her daddy home. The first thing she says in the morning is dada. Shortly after Ben got home Aubree got the stomach flu for the first time. It was absolutely terrible. She had it for 3 days and then she had the runs for the next few days. It was so gross. I could deal with the throw up, but the poop was horrible. I felt so bad for her, I literally just held her for those days and she just slept off and on all day. The last day of her poop, I started to cry when I had to change her, I have no idea why, I was tired and changing another one of those diapers just seemed like the end of the world. I took her upstairs and changed her and put her in the bath and just cried and cried. I was suppose to start my period that day but after crying I thought I would take a pregnancy test. I was telling myself it was going to say not pregnant, so the moment it said pregnant I freaked out. The day before Ben's accident we tried but didn't think anything of it. I thought I would take months to get pregnant. I told Ben to come here, and then I showed him the test. We were both in shock and laughed and cried. I told him we had to go get more test right that second. So we went to Walgreens and got two more tests. Those both said positive. It explained why I was so exhausted, which I thought was just due to tending to Ben and Aubree all week. And why I was so emotional while just changing a diaper. I also remembered my tooth paste tasting like kitchen cleaner. Everything was making sense and we just couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. This month has been full of surprises and most defiantly will go in the books as the most eventful, life changing month of our lives. Ben is doing good, and Aubree is going to be the best big sister. I am so thankful for my beautiful life and my wonderful friends and family. We have been blessed with the best ward, that has been so helpful and the best family that has been there for us through it all. Ben and I celebrated our third anniversary together a few days ago and I couldn't be happier with the last three years we have had together. I look forward to the many more we will spend together.