J U L Y has been a bittersweet month for me since 2010 when my 6 year old brother passed away. His birthday is the fourth so it has been sad celebrating without him here. Although something was different this year, as time has passed and as I have become a mother I have been focusing less on my feelings and more on Aubree. It will be three years since his passing in December and the pain in my heart has lessened as I have focused my life on my own little family. I still miss Dylan deeply and that pain will always be with me until we meet again in the next life. We celebrated independence day in Safford with my family this year. We have been trying to switch holidays with each of our families but it is so hard. I so badly with there was a way to spend every holiday with both of our families. We missed Ben's family in Utah this year but are excited to be with them next year. We got up early on the fourth and drove to Safford. We spent the day visiting with family and then went bowling. It was a blast bowling and watching little Aubree's reaction to the balls striking the pins. After bowling we went to the cemetery to let some red white and blue balloons go and put in flowers in his vases. We took pictures and had a word of prayer. There were two little stray dogs that looked like Stella and hungry. They played around us for a long time and cuddled up to some of my cousins. My Nana ended up taking them with her to find them a home or take them to the shelter. But what really surprised me was that my cousin Riley looked at his mom and said something to the extent of "Those dogs are Bill and Dylan just trying to say hello" (Bill being my grandpa and Dylan being my brother). It was sweet and make everyone smile. I know Dylan and my grandpa Bill were there with us as we talked about them and the memories we have and how much we miss them. It is just so strange to me that Dylan turned 10. I still picture him as this little six year old boy who would give the best hugs and had the best smile. Life has gone on without him but it will never be the same. After we left his grave site we went back to the house to light off some fireworks. Aubree loved it! Ben was in charge of doing that in the front yard and all the kids loved it as well. After that we raced back to the cemetery to watch the big fireworks. They were not close and loud enough to scare Aubree so it was fun watching her enjoy and point at them. All in all the fourth was a good day spent with the people we love. The next day we went to Roper Lake to swim and have lunch. It was a blast and beautiful! The mountain in the background was stunning. We all had a blast visiting, eating and swimming. Everyone loved playing with Aubree in the water, and she loved it as well. My family loved having us for the weekend and we had a wonderful time.
Every month I think to myself you just keep getting cuter! Aubree has continued to learn and grow and be the best baby ever! I will say that I have my days and I need my breaks of being a wife and mom to just be a friend and have girls nights, but Aubree is seriously the best baby and I can't picture life without her. I love hearing her wake up on the baby monitor and going in her room to find her bright eyed and smiling with her bed head hair. I always bring her into my room, change her bum, get her a bottle and lay back down with her in my bed. We snuggle for about 20-30 mins before we get up and eat breakfast. I cherish those moments of her cuddles because I know it won't last forever. She has continued to eat like a champ, pretty much anything I set in front of her she will eat, and she loves to share with her dog Stella. I call Stella Aubree's dog because they are best friends. Stella watches Aubree all day and gives her tons of kisses. I love seeing their relationship because as a child I never had a dog. I love how much they love each other. Aubree still loves bath time and is getting to the point where she will say bath and try to put one leg over the tub to get in. She also tries to say Stella and she can say mama, dada, yes and baba. She can sign more please and all done. She still only has four teeth, but I think she might be getting another. One of my favorite things she has started to do is when I pick her up she pats my back and she holds her baby dolls and pats their back. Being a loving big sister is in her future. Not now, but someday. Her curls continue to grow and it is getting so fun doing her hair, it almost all fits in a tiny little pony behind her head. I love how beautiful her hair and eyelashes are. She is slimming down and getting taller. I think she looks more and more like my baby pictures, but I still need to see more of her daddies pictures. She is beginning to try to dress herself, just a few moments ago she disappeared into her room and I found her with one leg in a pair of shorts and an arm in a pair of pajama pants. It cracks me up how independent she is becoming. But still oh so baby <3 Feeding herself is also something she has grown to love, no more mommy feeding her. So we pretty much take two to three baths a day. At least she smells good, I am still obsessed with putting baby lotion on her after each bath. I'm not sure when most people stop doing that but I love the smell so I am going to lather her in that stuff as long as I can. So as you can see 15 months is fun, every stage and month just keeps getting better.
Oh and I almost forgot! Aubree got to experience Sunsplash, and a splash pad for the first time. Lets just say, she is a water baby. I need to get her into swimming lessons! :)
My dearest daughter,
