Oh bittersweet December

December is always a bittersweet month for me. As yesterday was November 30th our sweet Aubree turned 7 months old and I tried to think about how she is such a happy healthy baby girl and how much I love and am thankful for her but in the back of my mind all day I thought about December. I thought about today and how much joy the holidays are suppose to bring. I put up our Christmas tree last night and Ben played some Christmas music this morning. Every year I try to get in the holiday spirit but at the beginning it is always hard for me. I can't help but think of the anniversary of Dylans death. I say this every year but I can't believe this year will be three years. It no longer feels like just yesterday for me. It feels like a lifetime ago but I can still remember every detail of that night. It plays like a movie over in my head. I still can't believe that happen to me and my family. I still can't believe my brother died in an accident almost three years ago. The pain in my heart has changed over the years but it is still there. I wish I could just visit with Dylan and watch him interact with Ben and Aubree.
I was able to go to Safford to be with my family on the anniversary of Dylans death. It was so nice being with them to remember our brother. As soon as I got into town I just started to cry and as soon as I pulled up to my house I ran to my mom's arms and started bawling. Now that I have Aubree I can imagine the pain my mom must feel losing a child. My heart would be broken if I lost Aubree. My dad took off work and my siblings got out of school early so we were able to have lunch together and visit the grave and have a word of prayer and let balloons float up to heaven.

Now that it is almost Christmas it seems that December has flown by for me. It has been fun getting ready for this holiday by putting up our first Christmas tree and getting stockings and making crafts. Aubree has brought so much of the holiday spirit out in me. I am so grateful for her.

I have put off posting this all month and tomorrow is christmas eve! I am so looking forward to celebrating with my family. I can't believe Aubree is going to be eight months in a few days! She is growing so fast and developing such a fun personality. She had discovered how to crawl and is now trying to pull up on things. She loves food and would eat all day if I let her. She brings so much joy and happiness in our lives and we are blessed to have her!